10 of the Funniest Quotes from Empire

Looking for the funniest quotes from Empire? Check out 10 of our all-time favorites from the hit FOX TV show!

Music aside, Empire has produced some of the funniest, craziest and sometimes most inspirational quotes that we have ever heard from such a drama-filled television show. With a sassy, bombshell and filter-less cast, especially Cookie, it is no surprise that Empire memes and inspiration quotes are all over the web! With the latest season underway, we are always looking forward to the laughs and shocks that this show brings us. Words may not hurt but they definitely make us laugh! Here are 10 of the funniest quotes from Empire. This post contains affiliate links


1. Forgiveness only matters when it comes from Cookie

“Boo Boo Kitty, just ’cause I asked Jesus to forgive you, don’t mean I do.” – Cookie

2. Smelly weaves just aren’t for Cookie
“You know I was never into wearing all them weaves. Girls walking around with their scalps smelling like goat a$$.” – Cookie”

3. A cruel play on words and an obvious, but funny, insult to Cookie’s family
“From what Jamal’s told me, I’m surprised all your little Lyon cubs aren’t in rehab.” – Tory

4. Cookie doesn’t deal with messy places and she won’t hesitate to call you out.
“You need to get LaCucaracha to clean up in here!” – Cookie

5. Going to jails means not only losing your freedom but your vocabulary
“Now, I know you been in jail for a minute, but do you even know what a debutante is?” — Anika

6. From the mouth of one great producer and musical artist to the next
“Look, I’ve got 99 problems, Shine. What’s up?” – Lucious

7. Those must have been some amazing dance moves!
“He tried to out-dance me, girl. Next thing I know, we have three sons.” – Cookie

8. Two girlfriends means double the trouble and triple the drama.
“Let’s look at it from a mathematical perspective. Your girlfriend has a girlfriend. Add that up. Two girlfriends. It’s a mathematician’s dream.” – Lucious

9. Cookie doesn’t realize just how needy she is, but does anyone?
“Cookie: I don’t ask for much.
Hakeem: Yes you do. Have you met you?”

10. Cookie knows the nicest people are usually the ones with hidden motives
“I don’t trust polite people, stupid! – Cookie”

What are some of your favorite funny quotes from Empire? Are you enjoying the new season? Tell us about it below in the comments!

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